Monsanto: Yo, USDA, we have this pretty great new technology it’ll feed the world and all that. It’s called alfalfa awesome edition a.k.a. genetically modified alfalfa or “awesome alfalfa.” We’ve had some weiner nerds in the Supreme Court reverse the ban but you’ve got to close the deal, k? Can you approve it, please? That would be great. Sooner would be better–it’s a pretty good sell.
USDA: I don’t know, guys…it doesn’t look that safe. Let me think about it for a little while. I’ll consider it but I don’t know. I’ve got to sit down with you and Big Organics so we can talk it out.
Organic Consumers Association: Yeah, for real. Not at all. Don’t approve it. No way.
USDA: By the way, you’re not invited.
Organic Consumers Association: This is ridic. We are like, best friends!
Big Organics: Yeah this is probs not a good idea.
Monsanto: Come on, now. Don’t be a wussy liberal socialist and side with those losers.
USDA: I am not a socialist! I am a maverick! Fine. I’m doing this so that we can coexist. This is all about coexistence. Just so that we can coexist.
Big Organics: This sucks but coexistence is cool.
USDA: I just wanna be loved. Please love me.
Organic Trade Association: Hey now! That was so not cool. Thanks for standing up for me…NOT!
Big Organics: Chill out, Organic Association. Quit being a wussy liberal socialist. We did what we could. We’re coexisting.
(c) Ada Vaskys